It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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