I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
