I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize