I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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