i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
