I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
