maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
