Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
