you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
