Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
