I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
