i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
