i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
