My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
