She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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