i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
