so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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