he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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