You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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