wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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