can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
please come you make the beer taste better
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Randomize
