did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
