just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
