Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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