we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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