It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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