I just made out with a guy for $7.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
