I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
