Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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