I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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