she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
