Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
