All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
