Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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