If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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