Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
