i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize