Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
