Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His hands were made for my vagina.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
