hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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