i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
