i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
