Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
