My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize