pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
