He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
