im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize