Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
