I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
