Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
