I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
