Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
