did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
