About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
