she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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