I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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