I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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