its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
