Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
