I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
