Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
