who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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