Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
