The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
