It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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