Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
