Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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